Geeky Gaming Girls: Season 1

This is a namely non-canon series based on The Angry Video Game Nerd and Pat the NES Punk, along with several video game review shows, made soley for entertainment purposes.

Plot
Zelda, Maya, and Lucy--three sisters that gather every so often to play video games at Zelda's place. Here, they have showed us their crazy antics. They'll play & review some games, consoles, and gaming accessories. Some will be good, some will be bad, but none will be safe from three of Tikal's harmless daughters!

Characters

 * Zelda the Echidna - daughter of Mephiles and Tikal and primary main character. She is a massive geek that has tech stuff and comics from all across the world and time, including nearly every video game console and game to exist.
 * Maya the Echidna - the peaceful daughter of Tikal and the one that normally plays most of the games. Maya takes fascination in most of the things Zelda has in her home.
 * Lucy the Echidnahog - daughter of Sonic and Tikal who normally just comments on the games and doesn't normally play as often as her sisters. She loves them both very much, but has a love-hate relationship with R.O.B.
 * R.O.B. (short for Robotic Operating Buddy) - an NES accesory that plays two games: Gyromite and Stack-Up. This one is a live one that talks, shoots weak lasers from his eyes, and also does some other work and helpfulness to the girls.

Episode 1: Fantasia (COMPLETED)
Zelda: (listening to music from The Megas)

Lucy: -knocks on the door- Zelda? Zelda? It's Lucy...

Zelda: Hmm? Come in!

Lucy: -enters- Is Maya here yet, sis?

Zelda: No.....

Maya: (runs in) Sorry I'm late!

Lucy: -hugs Maya- No sis, you're never late. ^^ It's okay.

Zelda: Okay, we're gonna be playing some games today. R.O.B., ya got the Monsters ready?

R.O.B.: Affirmative.

Lucy: "Monsters"?

R.O.B.: (throws some Monster Energy Drinks their ways)

Zelda: (catches)

Maya: (barely catches)

Lucy: -catches- ...If we need drinks, we're going to be playing a really bad game.

Zelda; Oooh boy! Sister, you have no idea! Today, we are playing... (pulls out a game) Fantasia on the Sega Genesis!

Lucy: I can already tell this is going to be bad. It sounds like a failed pop or techno band.

Zelda: Fantasia was a genius movie made by Disney, now transferred into the Sega Genesis. Let's pop this thing in and see what we get. (puts it in the Genesis slot of the Retron 3).

Lucy: Alright... Usually when we have movies turned into games, it turns into a pile of crap. My expectations aren't that high.

Maya: The intro music is so annoying to listen to. This may be a precursor to what we have in store for us.

Zelda: Okay, so you play as Mickey and the goal is to collect these music notes throughout the game. Why? I don't have a freaking clue.

Lucy: Uhh...okay.

Zelda: Okay, so we begin in Yensid's place, like the infamous skit from the movie. This is only part of the first level. And to say the least...it looks horrible.

Lucy: Ugh, the music... Can we say, ear-rape?

Maya: You can say that again. Well, we made it outside and now we're in sort of like a lake like level. And this is where things start getting difficult! (falls in water and dies) AWW DAMMIT!!

Zelda: Until you can learn to jump on enemies, you have to use these magic spells to attack enemies. But you run out too quickly, and there isn't enough power-ups to give you more! What were they thinking?!

Lucy: I think they were on crack, to be honest. Why, do you get hurt, by jumping on the enemeies?! Obviously these programmers didn't look at Sonic or Mario, heck ANY other game like this. This, is Windows Vista.

Zelda: Oh you can jump on enemies! But it's the most fucked up and broken way of jumping on enemies in the history of gaming!

Lucy: What a load of crap...

Zelda: You're not gonna believe me when I tell you this, but...to jump on enemies, you need to hold down while you jump. I shit thee not!

Maya: YOU HAVE TO HOLD DOWN TO JUMP ON THEM?!?!?!!? THAT IS ABSOLUTLEY STUPID AND TEDIOUS!!! In Mario and Sonic, you see an enemy, you press jump, you land on them, and they're dead, but here, YOU HAVE TO HOLD DOWN WHEN YOU JUMP?!?!?! And the controlls are absolutly pathetic and everything wants to kill you! THAT!! IS BULLSHIT!!!! (angrily drinks some Monster)

Zelda: (drinks some Monster too)

Lucy: Doesn't help that there are so many enemies on the screen that it makes really backed up traffic during rush hour with construction blush. -drinks some Monster-

Zelda: These platforms, I hate so much. They move in such irratic patterns, it's hard to even land on them. And the foreground keeps getting in the way! I can't see shit!

Mickey: (jumps behind the foreground and gets hit by a hard-to-see enemy)

Zelda: Look, how was I supposed to know there was something there?! This foreground comes striaght from hell!

Lucy: This, is buuuuulllllcrap!

Mickey: (jumps into a treasure chest, teh screen fades out and it teleports to an earlier part of the level)

Zelda: Wh-what?! How the--how'd I get here again?!

Maya: Apparently that treasure chest has some sort of Stargate in it that backtracks ya back to a previous part of the level! So you need to avoid that.

Zelda: Easier said than done, Maya, considering how ass these controls are! DAMN!! Lost my lives!

Lucy: Why is that even there?! It doesn't need to be there, there's no point on flinging you back to an earlier part of the level unless you missed something, which I doubt there is anything to miss in that section!

Zelda: Well, I get three continues. So I'm gonna use one so I can try aga--

(the game starts her up not at the last checkpoint, but right at the beggiming of the level)

Zelda: O.O W....t....f...? (silently drinks Monster)

Lucy: Oh, wow...

Maya: That's not a continue, that's a game over! When you continue, that means you want to start from when you last screwed up, not start the whole level over! WHAT WERE THESE ASSHOLES SMOKING?!?!?!? (angrily drinks)

Zelda: Okay, so when I finally reach the third section....

(the third section is revealed tio be the first section but with minor differences)

Zelda: Hmmm....this looks awfully familiar!!

Lucy: So this is a looping game of limbo?!

Zelda: Although it may look like it, it's actually a different section. With a bonus area door and waaaaay more enemies! And--D'OH!! DAMMIT!! I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?!

Lucy: There's so many enemies on the screen, it makes a pack of sardines look like the widest pastures ever!!

Zelda: Well, I can't take this shit anymore! I can't even pass the first level! This game is an absolute atrocity! It's a disgrace to the Sega Genesis! To hell with this!! (throws the controller down in rage and turns the game off, takes out the cartridge)

Lucy: Walt Disney would call this an utter disgrace to his legacy!!

Maya: This thing can only be given one fitting fate! Girls, step back!

Zelda: (slowly steps back, holding the cartirdge)

Lucy: -takes a few steps back-

Maya: (fires a light bolt at it, destroying it)

Zelda: (sighs) So in gereal, Fantasia on the Sega Genesis is absolutly shit! The controls are mind-blowingly awful, the first level takes forever and it feels like you're running laps, and it's such a terible Genesis game. Ain't that right, R.O.B.

R.O.B.: Sentence: logically correct. Fantasia - terrible.

Zelda: There ya go.

Lucy: Such a crappy game would have a crappy ending if anyone was emo enough to die so many times to actually get that far to see it., not even worth it.

Girls: (drink their Monsters)

THE END

Episode 2: Little Red Hood (COMPLETED)
(the girls are looking through Zelda's ENORMOUS collection of video games)

Maya: Wow, Zelda! You sure have a lot of games.

Lucy: I know, right? It's ridiculous! -notices a black, irregular-shaped cartridge protruding from the the others- Huh? What's this? -pulls it out and reads it- ...Little Red Hood? What kind of NES game is this?

Zelda: Huh? Oh. That's a game based off Little Red Riding Hood.

Maya: This is the weirdest cartridge ever.....let's give it a try. (takes it and put it in the Retron 3)

R.O.B.: ERROR!! ERROR!!

Lucy: Huh? What is it, R.O.B.?

R.O.B.: Unlicensed NES game denied. Licensed Nintendo cartridge must be inserted into the top.

Maya: So that's why it's shaped like that...

Lucy: That's weird, the other unlicensed NES game cartridges don't have this crap.

Zelda: Well this thing was made in Malaysia and one of the rarest NES games in existant. If you play it on a toploading console, then it'll work just fine.

R.O.B.: Affirmative, but it still appears awkward and inoperatable.

Zelda: (groans) Fine. (puts Gyromite on it) Happy?

R.O.B.: Extremely. Thank you.

Zelda: Alright, let's just start this thing. (turns the power on)

Lucy: With a freaky cartridge, I don't know how great of a game this would be.

Maya: Okay, so I'm walking around this place and trying to find out where to go and already I'm being swarmed by bad guys. How do I beat them? Let's try kicking....

Little Red Hood: (kicks, but it does nothing)

Maya: Great, I can't kick the enemies. But, at least I can kick the palm trees.

Lucy: Why give an attack that doesn't work? It's redundant at that point.

Maya: Hmm? Oh. I can jump! Let's try this.....

Little Red Hood: (tried jumping on someone, but gtes hit)

Maya: No. That doesn't work either! Hmmm...let's go in this store.....

Lucy: Oh, look at these. A potion, a...heart? And a slingshot. Hey, the slingshot might be your shot at an actual attack.

Maya: Okay. (buys a heart and a slingshot) Let's try this thing out!

Little Red Hood: (throws the sling shot, but the enemy respawns immediatly)

Maya: Aren you kidding me? I throw it?! That doesn't make even the least amount of sense!! (drinks Monster)

Lucy: I suppose if they put a gun in there she'd be throwing that too!!

Zelda: It doesn't matter anyway. After a few shots, it's gone. Just like that.

Maya: Well...guess I might as well just focus on getting out of here and collect cherries.

Lucy: Um...how do you get out?

Maya: Hmm? Let's try this staircase....

(they find a room with some gold, candy and enemies, but otherwise it's a dead end)

Maya: Nope.

Lucy: Okay, so this is limbo... Why make a game where all you got is limbo?

Maya: (constantly exploring the stage and after 5 minutes, she finds a key in the secret room) That's odd....that wasn't there before. Maybe I get this....(leaves)

Little Red Hood: (wanders around until a blinking staircase appears; goes in it and the next level starts)

Maya: Wh-what?! That's all I had to do?! Why does it only appear whenever it wants to then?!

Lucy: To make the game longer I suppose?

Maya: Well, I'm on Level 2 and--that's odd, it's out in the open this time....and I can't touch the Panda or else I die....perfect...

Lucy: The game is cheating...

Maya: (gets it after the afterhit invincibility) Great. Next level....

Little Red Hood: (tries to jump on turtles to get across a waterfall, but keeps dying)

Maya: UGH!! And here I thought Fantasia had bad jumping controls!

Little Red Hood: (finally gets across and gets the key)

Maya: Ugh, finally!

20 minutes later.....

Maya: Man, that water level was so easy....

Zelda: Well at least they were trying to do something different.

Lucy: Hope there are more of them!

Maya: Okay, now in level 7, and my god is this taking forever! This is such a broken down mess! Everything is so random it's giving me a headache!

Lucy: It's like your a lab rat...

"Welcome to World 8"

Maya: Now time to find that key.....

1 hour later.....

Maya: Okay....what am I doing? I have been playing this for an hour and I don't see a darn key! I'm doing what the game has been telling me to do, so where's that fucking key?!

Lucy: I don't know...

Zelda: R.O.B., analyze teh cartridge and find a way to beat this level.

R.O.B.: (scans the catrtridge and TV screen) Gaming data secured. Searching for solution to maze.....results: special requirements for World 8 are as follows: 1 Invincibility Potion, 3 Slingshots.

Maya:...........WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT MADE THEM THINK TO JUST CHANGE THE RULES RIGHT THERE?!?!?!?! JUST TO DO SOMETHING TO GE THROUGH THAT??!?!?!?! HOW IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO GUESS THAT?!?!?!? WHAT KIND OF IDIOTS PROGRAMMED IT LIKE THIS?!??!??! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (rages around the condo, then gulps up her Monster)

Lucy: Now THAT, is some bullcrap. It's like a crappy science expirement. I'll finish this for her... -takes the controller, buys the items, and finishes the level which took about 15 minutes-

Maya: In fact, I don't even expect a good ending! With so much cryptic bullshit that no one would even think yto find the ending, I expect a terrible ass-licking shitheap of an ending!!

Lucy: -finishes the game-

Game: Oh! My dear little red hood! Thank you for your coming!

Lucy: -pauses, then drops the controller and shrugs-

Maya: (calmy drinks ehr Monster) You did not disappoint us.

Zelda: Nope. (drinks) So to sum it up, it sucks. Little Red Hood is one of teh rarest NES games and also one of the worst. The controls are terrible, the enemies are impossible to kill, and it makes no sense. Not like it's a surprise. It's based off of a damn fairytale. So...(takes the games out and throws Little Red Hood through the end of the closet) Yeah. Now I'm going to bed. I'm tired.

Maya: Ugh....hope the next game isn't as terrible as this.....

THE END

Episode 3: Action 52
Zelda: There are quite a few games that have more than one game on them, mostly 5 at the most, and nearly all of them are unlicensed. Some are really just plug-and-play games.....which suck hard balls. Well I've got a few myself, so let's have a look-see....

Lucy: -looks through the library and pulls out a clear cartridge- ...Action 52?

Zelda: Hmm? Oh that.

Maya: WHy is it clear? It looks so weird....

Zelda: Yeah. Action 52 is a compilation of 52 NES games made in 1991, and an unlicensed one too. This is the misfit of the unlicensed cartridges. Some of teh games were in gold, black, grey, and blue. But this one is clear. It is kinda cool though...

Maya: How much was this thing?

Zelda: $199

Maya: Say what?!

Zelda: Well there's 52 games....

Lucy: Uhh... Depending on how great the games are...

R.O.B.: Calculating price of each game.... 200 / 52 = 3.846153

Zelda:......Ya. Let's just say $4 a game.

Lucy: Huh... That's pretty good I guess, again, depending on the games though...

Maya: Let's put it in...(puts Action 52 into the Retron 3)


 * "Lights....Camera....ACTION 52!!"

"WAMP WAMP WAAAAAAMP"

Lucy: Uhhh... Cliche much?



Girls: (shrug and press start)

"Make your selection now!"

Maya: Okay, let's start this thing.....

1. Firebreathers

Maya: Hmmm....I think this is a 2-player game. Lucy?

Lucy: Okay. -picks up the second controller-

3 minutes later....

Maya: (yawns) this is boring....next

2. Starevil

Maya: (gets hit by an obsticle right away) How was I supposed to dodge that?! It just came at me right at the start, giving me no time to react!

Lucy: That's a load of crap. You're just supposed to know, that it's a vertical 2-D space shooter, and there's a huge obsticle right at the start. What a load of crap...

Maya: But this is pretty easy.....but now I'm stuck....well next game

3. Illuminator

Maya: Huh? I can't see anything! Not even my own character! What kind of game is this?!

Lucy: A bad game...

Maya: And I can't go any higher....so I'm done with this...

4. G-Force

Maya: Space shooter? Didn't we already play this?

Zelda: Except it's horizontal.

Lucy: -sarcastically- Don't we love reruns of our favorite shows? This is it.

Maya: Okay, next....

5. Ooze

Maya: Wow....you jump with the B button? I thought you used A to jump?

Lucy: Um... For every other normal game yes. -sighs- Another Windows Vista expirience.

Maya: And these jumping controls are horrible! Well, next!

6. Silver Sword

Maya: This sword isn't really silver and there's so much green!

Lucy: Green, green, green, and did I mention green?

Maya: This is pathetic....

7. Critical Bypass

Maya: AAAAH MY EYES!!!! THEY HURT!!!!

Lucy: Uhh... I think it's critical, that we bypass this game.

8. Jupiter Scope

Maya: Another space shooter? And so easy....and too boring. NEXT!!

9. Alfredo

(the girls get a blank screen)

Maya:....What happened? Where's the game?

Zelda: There is no game. It crashed.

Maya:......Ugh! What a bunch of fuck. NEXT!!

10. Operation Full Moon

Maya: Ugh....that looks so disgusting, I wanna throw up!

Lucy: EW! That is so gross of a green! NEXT!!

11. Dam Busters

Zelda: At least it looks decent.....

Maya: Great, I'm at a dead end--wait, how come I can't go back?! So now I'm stuck?!

Lucy: Add that projectiles phaze through the walls, looks like you're in limbo until you get killed...

12. Thrusters

Maya: ANOTHER space shooter?! Okay, now I'm getting annoyed by this!

13. Haunted Hill

Maya: Whoa....I wish I had breasts that big....

Lucy: You're not alone...

Maya: These controls are as bad as Ooze and--I died by just touching the air?! HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!?!?!

Lucy: o_____o If you asked them I don't think they can answer you.

14. Chill Out

Maya: I wish I could chill out! These controls keep getting worse and I'm dying in mid-air AGAIN!!!

Lucy: Lovely, you hit the air so hard, that you die!

15. Sharks

Maya: Ugh....this is so boring.....gimme some sharks to kill!

Lucy: Honestly, it's boing to watch. Where, are the darn sharks?!

16. Megalonia

Maya: Another space shooter?! How many do we need?! UGH!!!

17. French Baker

Maya: Whoa!! Talk about a chaotic kitchen!

Lucy: Everything's trying to kill you!